I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I seem to have left my pride at pride
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
