party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
