Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
