So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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