Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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