Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
