Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
