Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
