nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
