my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize