i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
