I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
