I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
