I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize