you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
