Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
