that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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