white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
