We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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