you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
