Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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