you're like a bully in the Christmas story
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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