this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
