I just made out with a guy for $7.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
