Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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