I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize