Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
