I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
