Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
