My liver just broke up with me...
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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