You just made me feel so damn special
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
