I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
