i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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