Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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