Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Houston, we have a blender
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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