We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
But break dance skills will only take you so far
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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