I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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