check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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