well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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