last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
