he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
