My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
