I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
