I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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