my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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