Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
