Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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