so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
my being single is dangerous.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
