You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize