He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
there is glitter all over my balls
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