: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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