Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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