If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
this is an emotional support booty call
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
