i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize