I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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