yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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