Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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