I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I will be naked everywhere
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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