I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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