I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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