I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I want a musical about memes.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
