I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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