I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
