R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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