I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
