You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
