girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
