after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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