Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
