Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
