I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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